


Matters of the Heart

by sanchothevirgo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hospitals, M/M, heart stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanchothevirgo/pseuds/sanchothevirgo
Summary: … He felt like his heart may burst, as he watched who might as well be the great love of his life walk into view… and he short circuited. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t, for the love of God, put what was in his heart out into the world. The soft flesh of his beating heart was all the protection he had against an absolute breakdown. No skin, no ribcage, no muscle, just… flesh. Weak, tearable, easy to break flesh. And his heart was beating faster, harder, wilder than that weak flesh would be able to contain.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	Matters of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> It was Let Mikky Write Angst O'Clock, and by god, Mikky wrote angst. 
> 
> This is actually my first 9-1-1 fic. And honestly, the first fic I've written in a while. And quite possible, the best fic I've ever written in my life. I am so proud of this own, y'all. Especially the first 400 or so words. 
> 
> ... Ya girl wrote angst.

There are very few people in this world who wear their hearts on their sleeves as Evan Buckley does. He can’t help it. He doesn’t want his heart out there, outside of his chest, where it’s vulnerable to the cruelty and the damage this world has to offer. He would prefer to keep it close, keep it safe.   
But some people… Buck being one of them, have so much love to offer, they can’t help the parts of their hearts that seep outside of their ribcage. They can’t control the amount of love they have to give… Buck couldn’t control the amount of love he had to give.

There is nothing that hurts quite as much as having more love to give than the world would be willing to receive.  
… Sometimes, in life, it’s easy to disregard your feelings. To push them aside, to force them down, to pretend not to feel at all. Sometimes you can make yourself get over it. That’s one advantage of having your heart beat inside of your chest, that so many people take for granted.  
Buck didn't have that luxury. He couldn’t pretend not to feel until he couldn’t feel. All of his emotions would fill his heart, and continue filling his heart, until his heart couldn’t take it anymore-- until his heart burst! 

… He felt like his heart may burst, as he watched who might as well be the great love of his life walk into view… and he short circuited. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t, for the love of God, put what was in his heart out into the world. The soft flesh of his beating heart was all the protection he had against an absolute breakdown. No skin, no ribcage, no muscle, just… flesh. Weak, tearable, easy to break flesh. And his heart was beating faster, harder, wilder than that weak flesh would be able to contain.

Eddie collapsed into Buck’s arms, into Bobby’s arms. Allowing Hen to hold him up from behind. He looked so fragile… so cold… so… breakable. Those were not words that were used to describe Eddie Diaz. Not ever. But in this moment… the only thing keeping Eddie together… was flesh. Cold, pale, weak… flesh.   
As Buck, and Bobby, and Henrietta carried Eddie towards the paramedics, as they wrapped him in the shiny, silver blanket of a survivor, for the first time in the almost two years that Buck knew Eddie… he was fragile. The way that Buck was fragile.

Evan couldn’t form a single, coherent thought, the whole ambulance ride to the hospital. His brain was nothing short of fried. He couldn’t hear the siren of the ambulance he was in, he couldn’t feel Eddie’s cold hand in his, he couldn’t focus his eyes as they stared off in front of him. He almost didn’t notice when the truck parked outside of the hospital.   
As the paramedics wheeled Eddie out on a gurney, his hand never left Buck’s, not for a moment. He was cold, much colder than what he had ever thought was humanly possible… but then again, he had never swam forty feet underground before. While he was down there, fighting for his life, all he could think about was Christopher. All he could think about was not leaving his son an orphan. That thought, and that thought alone, saved his life. Made him fight. He would never stop fighting to get back to Christopher. He would never stop fighting to get back to his family. 

Eddie looked up at Buck, who hadn’t said a word since they got into the ambulance, “... I’m the one who almost drowned, and somehow, you’re the one that looks like shit.”  
“Shut up, I look beautiful,” Buck said, almost like he was being pulled out of some sort of trance, as they-- with several nurses and doctors-- made their way towards the E.R.  
“There’s that Evan Buckley sense of humor that I know and love,” Eddie chuckled.  
Eddie had spent many hours looking at Buck. Sometimes he took twenty-four hour shifts, without taking his eyes off the firefighter. They worked so closely, for the past two years. Buck wasn’t a guest in his home… he was his home, “Buck--”  
Eddie couldn’t finish the thought, as Buck was swept away in a flurry of doctors and nurses. They wouldn’t allow him to stay, not yet. Not while Eddie was so fragile.

However, Buck didn’t have much time to complain, as the rest of the station showed up in the emergency room, all of them swarming him. Bobby, Hen, Chimney. Even Bobby’s wife, Athena, was there. It wasn’t crazy to assume Buck’s sister was probably on her way from the call center, too. 

“Buck!” Hen shouted, as they made their way to him, “How is he?”  
“The… the doctors are checking him out,” Buck said, his head still foggy from everything that had been going on, “They said to… wait in the waiting room.”

And they did. Three firefighters, their fire captain, a police sergeant, and a 9-1-1 dispatcher, all sat together for longer than any of them would have wanted. Maddie and Athena took turns harassing doctors, bugging them for an update. Hen and Chim made more than one coffee run. Bobby made a couple calls to Christopher’s caretaker, letting her know Eddie wouldn’t be home tonight. But Buck… Buck couldn’t manage to get up from the uncomfortable seat he was in. He sat there, for hours on end, staring straight ahead at the floor in front of him.   
Slowly, the team began peeling away. Maddie and Chimney, eventually, went to go get Buck a change of clothes from home. Bobby and Athena went to get Christopher from Carla. Even Hen had to go home to her own wife and kid. And pretty soon… Buck was left alone.

All he could feel was the thump! thump! thump! of his heart, threatening to break out of his chest. And even though he knew… he knew the organ was, in fact, residing in its rightful place in his ribcage, he would have sworn that it was down the hall, in the palms of a very cold man, fighting for his life.


End file.
